Does Anyone Else Occasionally Feel Like They Need To Find A Partner

[Anonymous]

General CW for heavy self-loathing vibes 
 

 

So, sometimes whenever I’m spiraling, there’s this voice in my head that tells me that I need a partner. It tells me that, even though I don’t want one, I should get one, and if I just stick it out for long enough, I’ll eventually enjoy having one. There’s no real rhyme or reason to it. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s because some part of me feels like getting a partner will prove I’m not a loser, but in the moment it’s just this voice telling me that I have to do it and I’ll feel better if I do. Luckily, I’ve avoided acting on it (ie asking out a friend that I know has a crush on me) thus far. Does anyone else experience this or is it just me? 

[tiger_hoods12]

I have experienced this to some extent. There were some self-loathing vibes that were a part of it but it was mostly my depression/apathy that made think this way. Before my depressive state, I did develop feelings for one of my classmates. I’m on the aromantic spectrum and when I experienced my crush for the first time, it was very intense feelings of emotional attraction. I almost became obsessed with him and when my depressive state hit, I obsessed over him more. Since he made me feel so connected and happy in a sense, I would always fantasy being in a relationship with him and even wanting to pursue one even though I didn’t really want one. I clearly formed an attachment toward him and I eventually learned what I was doing. I was creating a fantasy bond where I’d fantasize about him in order to keep the sad thoughts away. Thus, creating an unhealthy bond. I say unhealthy because, again, I was obsessed with him, but I didn’t even know him that well. It was bad. I knew it was too.

Self-loathing is never a reason to pursue someone. I knew that trying to pursue a relationship would only make things work for me. Because of my aromantic feelings but also emotional unavailability, it would cause all sorts of tension between me and him. He didn't deserve something like that. I also knew that getting into a relationship wouldn’t fix anything. I’d still have problems that no amount of love would fix. It’s like the bucket with a hole analogy. No matter how much water (love) you fill it with because of the hole, it’ll just spill out. As if none of it meant anything to you.

You’re probably feeling this for the same way I am. At least, in the sense where you could feel whole or better about yourself. I suggest you continue avoiding this recommendation, and just seek professional help to get you on the right track emotionally. Although outside support/love can help you get in the right direction, it’s better to rely on yourself for your own help.