Can anyone relate?

[RavenIsWerid]

So I have been taking a big look at all of my crushes before and seeing if they were real crushes or if not, and one thing I have noticed is that it matters mostly on looks. When I was younger I had a “crush” on Selena Gomez, Hayley Kiyoko and Demi Lovato. The strange thing is only in the pictures in which they looked so called “hot” I could look at a pic of Selena Gomez that's “hot” and have a “crush,” but look at a different pic of her not looking “hot,” and I would feel nothing, the same thing for all the other ones. Of course, when I was younger I did think about kissing them and squealing into my pillow, but looking back, I realized that it felt somewhat forced, like I wanted to be a normal teen girl and have a “dreamy crush.” I do think I have romantic attraction, but it's been very faint and not what most people call romantic attraction. I could also be watching a show, and then midway through it, I realized, Oh, wait, they are kinda hot. I should have a crush on them, but not before, or just have a natural crush. Likewise, I do often have crushes, but they're all what I consider hot or should be crushing on. If I ever feel romantic attraction, it is very faint. (Nothing like what I looked up—a crush should feel like-sweaty palms? Heart throbbing? All I feel is a slight "tug" if that makes sense but I can rarely feel it and its often to those that I pressure myself to like. Sometimes I do have “crushes” (I mean kind of?” I once had a bit of a crush on kallmekris (I think that's her username?) but it was for about 5 minutes, and that was the most I have ever felt. The next day I looked at the same pic and I felt...nothing? I looked at the same  Selena Gomez, Hayley Kiyoko and Demi Lovato pics and I had a slight "crush" but only on certain pics and the ones on which they look perfect. I think what I want is like some kind of perfect romantic feeling but I never feel that (or if I do its faint) so my brain tries to make me think “That person is hot-you should like them.” and then I have the “tug” another example is some people I met in real life their was this one cute boy but he was just cute I didn't feel a actual crush if you know what I mean. I don't know what my romantic orientation is and it might change with time but who knows? Can anyone relate lol? Sorry for this ramble I just had to ask and get it off my chest. <3 

[Needlemouse]

I can kinda relate. Girls are pretty. That sounds like aesthetic attraction kinda? I'm not sure. 😭

[dordor]

i can say i relate too. this process of looking back to all of your past "crushes" can be really eye opener, for me i realized that i just wanted to become best friend with those people, so for me it platonic attraction.

i can't think of any helpful advice right now but know this any kind of attraction is totally normal. specially the part where you mentioned being pressured into having crushes is really relatable to alot of people on this website. it's really sad that society has made us go through that for years, i hope one day kids won't have to have crushes to be accepted among their piers.

and also always remember that this website is exactly made for this kind of ramblings. feel free to share any concerns you have.

and keep digging into your past experiences, i am sure you will figure things out soon

 

[ABC]

Yes, that sounds like aesthetic attraction, like Needlemouse said, especially when you paid more attention to the more aesthetically appealing images while being more dismissive to the less aesthetically appealing images. It’s normal to have taste in beauty, I do the same, although in my case they are to anime style illustrations of gacha game characters rather than any real celebrities. It’s also normal to mistakenly equate aesthetic attraction to having a crush, because of our culture normalizing having “crushes”, even if what we feel doesn’t match up to the definition society actually means.