hung up on ex qpp a bit, how do i move on entirely

[Anonymous]

abt two weeks - a month ish?? ago i ended a 1½ yr qpr with someone who was dear to me once i realized our realtionship wasnt exactly Healthy. they didn't take it well and, despite me expressing that id still like to be friends but i just dont think an emotionally intimate relationship like a qpr is good for us, we are no longer friends (they basiclaly attacked me thru their twitter priv saying that im not a good partner and that i led them on, saying im older than them and should be more mature (we are 5 days apart in age i am Not more mature than them)). they also have tendencies to seek out people who have "wronged" them, which is why im doing this anonymously. about a yr ago, half a yr after me and them became qpps, one of their other qpps asked me to be their qpp as well, to which i said yes, thus a qp polycule emerged between the 3 of us. currently im still qpps with the 2nd one, and afaik theyre still qpps w my ex qpp as well (i told them directly that i dont care if they are).

im not gna sugarcoat it, im kinda scared theyre telling so many more people to not support me solely bcs i broke up with them. i miss them, sure, but its really Not worth my mental health to try and save the friendship that was doomed when i sent the breakup letter which took like 2 weeks to even get seen bcs of the lack of ebing able to communincate on my part (context to this is my irl situations dont exactly allow me to get on much social media despite me currently being only a couple months away from adulthood (my parents unjustifiably dont trust me, ill be able to get on socials in the later half of 2025 becasue ill be moved away by then), so i communicated in ways i was able to with them. each qpr began when i had ready access to social media, before it got taken away, so its not that i started a qpr w these ppl on a whim.)

im trying to move on but i really dont think my brain got the closure it needed to move on entirely. ex qpp left the internet after they got called out for things that ive seen them do firsthand but i was in a way really really attached to them and i subconsciously ignored the fact that a lot of what they did wasnt exactly good or healthy (i.e. rose tinted glasses phenomenon, i was practically in love w them and me breaking up w them was a way for me to distance from them but it, again, didnt go well)

im not giving too much info to keep things private but if you need clarification or more info if im willing to give it, please ask. any advice to get over them would be much appreciated bcs im mad at them, i wish i never met them, but i miss them.

[alto]

Honestly, time and hobbies are the two things that help the most.  Also, friends.  There is a certain point where babbling to your friends about your ex is no longer helpful, however.  Realize when you have reached that point, and change the subject.

[tiger_hoods12]

First of all, I just want to say good for you on leaving a qpr like that. It seemed very unhealthy. I know you probably miss them because yo miss the emotional intimacy and the good moments that you guys had together, but from what I heard I don’t think they deserve it. From what they did and continue to do, they are clearly immature and insecure about a lot of things. You shouldn’t be missing someone like that. Of course, this isn’t your fault, but I would encourage you to just stay away from that person entirely. I’m not sure if you guys have cut ties completely or have just not been seeing each other as often. I just think the best way to get over this person is just to leave them entirely. Because you’re right, they’re not worth your mental health or your energy, time, and love. With the way they are trying to manipulate your life even after the relationship is done. They are just bad news! Obviously, do other things to get them off your mind like hobbies and hanging out with friends. But again, I would just completely cut ties and avoid at all costs. I don’t know what this person did to you exactly or the qpr, but never feel bad about complaining about some things. It’s okay to let it out as a catharsis. 

[ABC]

I’ve been in a similar situation before, and I agree with alto and tiger_hoods12 ‘s replies! I would have said the same points as them.

To add an additional point, maybe you fear that one day they come back to the internet and try to attack you again. But I don’t think they would, based on your description they seemed to have done unforgivable things if they left the internet even after them trying to get people to not support you. Very toxic, but at the same time you also had great moments with this person, so I get why you still miss the good times, while also avoiding them at all costs for the things they did. This is just the same as what tiger_hoods12 said.

Although in case they come back, they would most likely adopt a new identity to not get detected, or perhaps even behave differently to the point you would never think they are the same person. If they already left the internet, I don’t see them coming back with the same identity, let alone behave in the same ways that most likely made them guilty and leave at the first place. They might be a new person, but it’s just a possibility.

Also, I agree with alto, distract yourself with hobbies, or talk to friends who understand your situation. It’s not your fault to leave an unhealthy relationship, it’s their fault that the person couldn’t take criticism to the point they try to turn your friends against you, as well as doing the unforgivable things you saw firsthand.