Am I even still on the aro spectrum?

[Needlemouse]

I was one of those kids who was immersed in romance and stuff, but felt different in a way I couldn't place.

 

I was repulsed with most romantic scenes in shows, movies, and even when witnessing PDA's. Still grosses me out. I find PDA's particularly annoying and gross. The sight of kissing and some happy ever after always made me slightly, if not completely disgusted. Seeing as I was a kid though, it's normal to be disgusted by that type of stuff.

 

I felt kinda alienated with my peers, because for some reason I cannot understand, my peers were dating at that age. I wanted to date to fit in with my peers, and also to some degree, have that stereotypical romantic relationship. Crushes felt like a rare occurrence for me. I wanted crushes, and wanted crushes then and there. I had "crushes" but I don't remember really ever imagining marrying or dating them. Never did that. I wanted to date them yes, but I can't tell if it's because of amatonormativity, or I actually felt something. I never felt butterflies or really blushed. I only blushed when being teased. I could easily forget my crushes. 

 

There were a few times when I did imagine futures with crushes (two or three times I actually felt romantic attraction). I still didn't have them on my mind a lot, except a few times. My attraction has disappeared before, sometimes not coming back, sometimes coming back when my partner is affectionate. Other than that I just don't seem to match people's level of romantic attraction most of the time. 

 

I love my boyfriend very much, but sometimes I would question if my attraction is genuine romantic attraction or I mixed up romantic attraction with another type of attraction. I don't think of him nearly as much, and not much reminds me of him. Sometimes something will. I don't think of him, unless I remember. We planned a wedding, but I wasn't taking it very seriously. It was like planning a kids birthday party for some reason. It was fun. But with him, I have gotten butterflies. Solely because of his words alone. My heart beat has increased. But the butterflies don't happen anymore, and I don't really blush. He seems to think of me a lot more, and still feel so intensely, but I guess I just... Don't?

 

Must've said this before, but I blush at random people, no attraction attached. I've felt disconnected from romantic media, as if two fictional characters had something I'm missing. It made me realize I'm probably missing something alloromantic people have. But I don't know what. I'm different from alloromantic people.I'm also jealous of couples, even though I'm dating, and I never knew why. Being single felt liberating, and most people I've dated, I'm not even attracted to. Or thought I was. And ended up wanting out. I've wondered if I was actually romantically attracted to the people that seem like people I've been legitimately attracted to, or if it was some other form of attraction. I may be missing something because I forgot it.

 

And people I feel legitimately attracted to are people I've known for some time. Like months or years. Friends, and have had some emotional bond. 

 

What am I missing? What's different? What was the thing that's made me different from my peers, and make me feel like I don't get crushed enough?

Edited September 9 by CatNap

[Picklethewickle]

There is demiromantic, where a person only feels romantic attraction to someone they've established a close connection. 

Some aromantic people will still date simply for the companionship, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's no reason you can't do the same, but if you feel happier single, then there's room to question what leads you to date. Do you want relationships for yourself, or do you want to do it because it feels like you have to in order to be normal? What does "enough" romantic attraction mean to you? Feeling like you don't match other people's energy doesn't mean you are obligated to put out more, it might mean you would be happier with a partner who puts out less.

[Needlemouse]

Ah alright.

On 9/9/2024 at 4:58 PM, Picklethewickle said:

There is demiromantic, where a person only feels romantic attraction to someone they've established a close connection. 

Some aromantic people will still date simply for the companionship, and there's nothing wrong with that. There's no reason you can't do the same, but if you feel happier single, then there's room to question what leads you to date. Do you want relationships for yourself, or do you want to do it because it feels like you have to in order to be normal? What does "enough" romantic attraction mean to you? Feeling like you don't match other people's energy doesn't mean you are obligated to put out more, it might mean you would be happier with a partner who puts out less.

I kinda do it for myself, but also in order to feel normal? I'm pretty sure. I haven't actually thought of that lol. I'm sorry I'm not well put together.