i thought that i'd been in love before... but it never lasted very long. now i don't know.

[morgan grimm]

 I've had a lot of romantic relationships before. I've dated like 9 or 10 people, and that's not a flex. I thought that I really loved some of them, and then for whatever reason (mostly because a lot of them ended up being toxic, though), we'd always end up breaking up within less than like 8 months. Very few of my relationships have lasted longer than 6 months, and not a single one ever lasted even a year. I liked kissing them, I liked holding hands and stuff, and I know that I'm greysexual, so sex was never really part of it. But, maybe I just liked the attention that they gave me? It's quite possible that that may have been true.

 When I hear about friends, family members, and acquaintances of mine having long-term (like a year or more), committed, romantic relationships, I just think, "How the fuck do they do that?" or "I could never do that." Like, I don't know if I just "get bored", or maybe I just haven't "found the right person"...or what. And I do have a knack for attracting toxic people, so maybe that's all it is. I can guarantee you, almost all of my exes are toxic. I don't know how I find these assholes and not realize how bad they are until it's already too late. But like, I've seen and heard stories from friends that have put up with way worse shit than some of what I went through (this isn't just me minimizing my issues btw, I'm being genuine) and they still stayed (they absolutely should not have stayed, though...), so maybe I don't really know what romantic love is like. Maybe I've never actually felt it before? But, I've had that "butterflies in your stomach" type of feeling people say you get when you like someone romantically, and I've had it plenty of times. So, have I really felt it before? Is it really possible that I just have a knack for attracting the worst people possible and that's it, case closed? Is there something wrong with me? I know for sure that I've done things wrong in some of my past relationships, but everyone makes mistakes, and I was a teenager. High school relationships rarely last that long anyways, so maybe that's all it was?

 

**Also, I should probably add that the majority of my romantic exes were once best friends of mine. Like, close as two people could be, I guess. 

Edited August 8 by morgan grimm

[Picklethewickle]

I can't give you any advice on maintaining relationships, or tell you what romantic attraction feels like, but I can tell you that you don't have a knack for attracting toxic people. Toxic people hang on to everyone, and you happened to be near. There is no skill or special trait to bring toxic people in your life. The only skill you need with these people is getting them to leave.

The important thing is to be open to your own feelings. Reflect on if you actually want a relationship, and what you want to get out of it. There is a lot of emphasis on being long-term, but the value in a relationship isn't how long it lasts, it is what you get out of the connections you form.

[morgan grimm]

On 8/8/2024 at 11:22 AM, Picklethewickle said:

I can't give you any advice on maintaining relationships, or tell you what romantic attraction feels like, but I can tell you that you don't have a knack for attracting toxic people. Toxic people hang on to everyone, and you happened to be near. There is no skill or special trait to bring toxic people in your life. The only skill you need with these people is getting them to leave.

The important thing is to be open to your own feelings. Reflect on if you actually want a relationship, and what you want to get out of it. There is a lot of emphasis on being long-term, but the value in a relationship isn't how long it lasts, it is what you get out of the connections you form.

thank you :)