i don’t know what to do

[Guest lilac]

f(19)

so, im not sure if i am aro or not. from what i’ve researched, not having crushes is a big sign but i think i’ve had crushes before. i think. but the thing is when my crushes reciprocate i sort of get scared? not like butterflies but like just nervous.

especially when they start saying they love me and want to be in a relationship and care so much about me. when they say these things it makes me feel a bit sick to my stomach and i don’t feel a connection to it and sort of just reply “thanks u too!” when i don’t think i mean it.

i love romance in books and movies and always say i want that and in theory i do! but it’s more like i want to be those people rather than me in that scenario. 

i’ve only recently started thinking about the possibility of me being aro, i thought maybe i was just a lesbian (i’ve identified as queer for like ever) and that i was just uncomfortable with men expressing interest in me but the last two people (both f) i could’ve gotten in romantic relationships with i felt scared and didn’t like the idea of it, even though i had a crush on them beforehand. which disappeared once they wanted to be with me romantically.

im not sure if i just have like commitment issues or something or maybe i’m aro and in denial. i just know that when i think of the possibility of me being aro i get a bit sad like i thought that romance was like THE THING to happen ya know? 

would appreciate some guidance, if you can. <3

[Neon]

Aromanticism is a spectrum, and feelings fading after reciprocation is actually a part of that spectrum. The term is lithromantic if you want to look more into it.

As for the negative feelings, what helped me was spending a lot of time in spaces that shared positivity and limiting my time in spaces for venting and such.

Edited August 1 by Neon
Used wrong term initially