annabethchaseirl Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 My boyfriend and I are both ace, we went into the relationship knowing that about each other. But recently I’ve started questioning if I might be aromantic as well and I think I definitely am. We’ve been dating for nearly 4 months and we were best friends for ~9 months before that. He’s one of my best friends, and I don’t want to lose him by breaking up with him. And I don’t think it’s possible for us to just be friends again because he’s made it clear that he’s in love with me. We’ve said “I love you” a billion times, but I don’t think I ever felt that romantically. I feel so bad for not realizing this sooner, I feel like I led him on for too long to tell him I don’t think I’m actually in love with him. He would be crushed if I left, but it wouldn’t be fair to either of us if I stay. I don’t know what to do. TL;DR: I realized that I’m aromantic and don’t know how to tell my boyfriend of 4 months. I just want us to be best friends again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alto Posted July 25 Share Posted July 25 This is going to be a really hard talk for you both. But you need to say that you are aromantic, and you don't want to lose him by breaking up with him. I suggest the Oreo method. Say something very loving (about how you love him as a friend, because that seems to be sincere on your end), say the hard stuff, and then end it by saying something sweet to him about how wonderful a friend he is to you and how much you care. Say your relationship is going to have to change, but how you feel about him hasn't. I don't know if any of this is good advice, but it might be? I'm just going by my own common sense here. Good luck. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atlas Posted July 25 Share Posted July 25 It'll just hurt him more in the long run to keep it from him. i agree fully with @alto One thing that stood out to me however was the last sentence |"He would be crushed if I left, but it wouldn't be fair to either of us if i stay" | Do you want to stop being romantic with him? Of course if the attraction side of things is greatly important to your bf then yeah you being aromantic is likely a dealbreaker for him but there's always a possibility it isn't. Many aromantic people enjoy being in relationships. I might be reading this all wrong but if that's something you still wish to have then you could approach the situation being like "I've realized i'm aromantic but i still love being with you". It doesn't necessarily have to be an end. If you want to break up because you're realizing this isn't something you're comfortable with then just ignore everything I said. It will be harmful to both you and him if you stay. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random-Aroace Posted August 9 Share Posted August 9 I will hurt but the longer you “keep it from him” the more it will hurt the both of you and chances of being just friends. So tell him and if he really loves you it shouldn’t matter. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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