What in the sam friddly frack- /pi

[CatNap]

I never thought this would actually happen but I've gone unlabeled for a long period of time. Still nothing. Still confused. Literally just feeling what I feel, wanting what I want and experiencing things. But god damn this is confusing. I want to present feminine, but also masc, but also both. I don't even know if I experience feminine gender identity now, despite wanting to be a demigirl. I like being told I look masculine, and androgyous though. Even if it's not true at all. Idk I've just gotten new experience after new experience. Nothing popped up or anything in my head. Still no click. I haven't bothered really trying to figure it out much anymore. But I'm still curious. And I don't think genderfluid fits completely. Maybe genderfaun? I don't know. Can I figure this out? 

I don't want to be fluid in gender. I want to be static. I don't get my own gender anymore. But that's fine. I'm trying to figure this out on my own, I really am. It's difficult. Next year marks it 4 years of questioning, I think? 3? 5? I lost track.

I want to ask for help, just a little bit, but this is something I need to do on my own. Only I can figure this out, but I'm not very smart. I don't think I'm smart enough to do this on my own.

[Guest]

I was in a similar boat for a long time. For years and years I was so confused on what my gender was. I felt so many different feelings at different times, but I didn't want to identify as genderfluid. Eventually I sort of "gave up" and tried living as my birth gender (female) for a little while. (There were other reasons for that decision as well, like being scared of risks of transitioning.) The time I was living as my birth gender wasn't the worst experience ever, but something still definitely felt off, and when I started questioning and exploring again I realized I am a man. Maybe my feelings will change again, I don't know, but right now I know I am a man. I'm working through my fears of transitioning so I can start living as myself.

I hope I didn't ramble about myself for too long. Now I don't know if this is the best advice, so take it with a grain of salt and consider for yourself if it's right for you. It was right for me, and helped me figure myself out. This advice is, if you are tired of being unlabeled and questioning for so long, maybe just try choosing an identity to live as for a little while. Even if you don't know if it's right for you, maybe you need time to settle into it, or you need that experience to realize you're something else. I know we currently understand identity to be reflective of your true self, and that makes it difficult to "choose" a label. But I personally think we can use labels as a method of exploring, not just the final destination after exploring.

[CatNap]

28 minutes ago, Fox said:

I was in a similar boat for a long time. For years and years I was so confused on what my gender was. I felt so many different feelings at different times, but I didn't want to identify as genderfluid. Eventually I sort of "gave up" and tried living as my birth gender (female) for a little while. (There were other reasons for that decision as well, like being scared of risks of transitioning.) The time I was living as my birth gender wasn't the worst experience ever, but something still definitely felt off, and when I started questioning and exploring again I realized I am a man. Maybe my feelings will change again, I don't know, but right now I know I am a man. I'm working through my fears of transitioning so I can start living as myself.

I hope I didn't ramble about myself for too long. Now I don't know if this is the best advice, so take it with a grain of salt and consider for yourself if it's right for you. It was right for me, and helped me figure myself out. This advice is, if you are tired of being unlabeled and questioning for so long, maybe just try choosing an identity to live as for a little while. Even if you don't know if it's right for you, maybe you need time to settle into it, or you need that experience to realize you're something else. I know we currently understand identity to be reflective of your true self, and that makes it difficult to "choose" a label. But I personally think we can use labels as a method of exploring, not just the final destination after exploring.

Thank you! I'll definitely try this. After all it wouldn't be hurting anyone right? 

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, CatNap said:

Thank you! I'll definitely try this. After all it wouldn't be hurting anyone right? 

Glad to be of help! As far as I know I don't think it hurts anyone. It's part of exploring and you're allowed to change your mind and go in whatever direction your path takes you.

I know some people look down on changing your labels, like you've somehow disrespected those with that label or it was a mistake or something. But I don't view it that way. You tried out something that you were drawn to, and if it doesn't end up fitting, you've discovered something new about yourself and you've moving forward in your path of exploration. There's no inherent harm in that.

I'll just add a disclaimer that obviously some medical transition decisions are irreversible, so if you're still confused, maybe hold off on those for a little until you figure it out more. Also, some people may judge you for changing labels and identities, but ime I found that my fear of judgement only held me back from truly exploring. Always make sure you're safe before you try on a new public identity though.

[ASailorStub]

Does the term bi-gender resonate with you? The “I’m sorta fem sorta masc sorta both?” Is exactly how I feel sometimes. I began to label this feeling as “right now I am bi-gender.” Honestly though it is your world and we can only offer terms to help you try and describe it. You must figure out which one feels right to you or whether none of them do.