Heh??

[xEnbyx]

I think I fall into the category of cupioromantic (which I've been told falls on the aromantic spectrum), but I keep denying it to myself.

I've been in relationships in the past that started from me having crushes on people, but the instant that we start dating every positive feeling I have towards them disappears and it's hard to tell if they ever existed. I know I think about them a lot, but all of the relationships were with people that I was friends with first, so I'm not sure if it was platonic feelings that I was going through or what.

Now, I constantly tell myself that I can't label myself as aromantic or cupioromantic because what happens if I just haven't met the one and I'll freak out down the line when I find a person that I feel attracted to and have a problem with labels again.

(I know labels aren't necessary, but I like them)

Everyone I've talked to irl hasn't really helped, mostly telling me that labels aren't important and I'll probably figure it out when I'm older, or I'll feel that attraction when I'm older.

Is this normal to feel, or am I not on the aromantic spectrum?

[allhailtheglowcloud]

Honestly I think everyone goes through the whole "But what if I haven't found the ✨Right Person™✨ yet?" thing. That's usually just amatonormativity talking. Feel free to experiment with a label if you need to, see if you like it. 

If it helps, when I started identifying as aro I felt a similar thing. As I began to feel more comfortable using the label, I found that I doubted myself less and less. I don't think there will ever be a point where I stop gaslighting myself like this, but that's ok. I think it's important to accept this as part of an identity which is more defined by a lack of something rather than a presence. 

I hope this was helpful, and good luck.

[Neon]

5 hours ago, xEnbyx said:

what happens if I just haven't met the one and I'll freak out down the line when I find a person that I feel attracted to and have a problem with labels again.

Right now, aromantic and cupioromantic seem to bring you comfort and happiness. So use them right now. If something changes in the future, so be it. You don't have to sign any legal documents committing to a label until the end of time.

I also had the same worries. After a little while of using the labels, those worries went away for me.

[.CORALINE.]

Hey there!

Your doubts are completely normal in my opinion, but after all life is always a big "what if" if you think about it. We can't see the future and have sure answers about it, we only have the present so we can work on it, analyze the feelings we hve today and make our best to feel comfortable with them. If TODAY you feel this label suits you just take it and remember it doesn't define what you are, it's just a word and you're free to change it whenever you feel like doing it. Whenever (if) you'll meet a person for whom you'll feel romantic attraction and want to try, you're free to "dismiss" the label and leave it behind.

Now, try to think about the present, use the words that make you feel fine today... and tomorrow we'll see!

I hope it helped :)

[P4R4D0X]

If you want help on labels, here are a few I guess you could start by looking at (sidenote, these are all on the aro spectrum)

• Freyromantic

You experience romantic attraction to people you don't really know, but once you have a deeper connection, that attraction fades.

•Arospike

You usually feel no romantic attraction, but can have rare, sudden spikes of romantic attraction for some amount of time.

•Lithromantic

You may experience romantic attraction, but you do not want it/it disappears when reciprocated.