Are you afraid of people loving you?

[ABC]

On 8/17/2024 at 7:13 AM, SkyTuneRein said:

Afraid? No, not really.

Suspicious? Maybe.

Yes, this! There’s nothing to be afraid of unless they become a creepy stalker over it.

But I’ve had several platonic friendships gradually end after they confess a crush to me, admit they seriously love me romantically, and all times I just rejected them honestly with the reason of being aro. They researched it and understood it.

But then their very strong alloromantic feelings wishing I’d reciprocate it…well I can’t cuz I’m aro! Just because they understand it from reading others’ testimonies isn’t the same as experiencing my rejection of indifference to their confession.

Then we stayed friends for as long as possible until something unrelated but valid, happened to break the friendship. That person suddenly became rude as in seriously rude, not jokingly rude, and as they were being honest about being sad about the consequences of their rude behavior, of course I said I don’t like that behavior and how it’s unacceptable and rude.

To make it worse, they uncharacteristically turned rude AFTER they confessed their love. The rude behaviors I was appalled with includes but not limited to suddenly being demanding that we talk more often, and then getting mad if I don’t talk often. We have our own lives and aren’t available 24/7, why are they acting demandingly about it, how suspicious! A few of them even had wilder changes, such as the opposite sex people suddenly expressing incel-adjacent thoughts (dictating outdated gender roles like we’re not supposed to be friends but you know where this is going, or suddenly starting to use incel vocabulary), and both opposite and same-sex people suddenly being overtly interested in the allosexual part of me. Obviously they know better that romance and sex are 2 separate things, but them wanting to take advantage of my allosexuality is pretty creepy and demanding, they still want a chance to be together with me no matter what.

And then they changed the topic to so do you hate the person now? I still said I hate the rude behaviors I hate, not the person, unless the person was willing to understand why their behavior is problematic, but they didn’t see a problem with their rude behavior so as a consequence I don’t like the person anymore. And of course, them being allo AND having a crush on me, they had to lament the way it could’ve been perfect but now everything’s gone, it used to be a both-ways platonic relationship on top of this one-sided crush, and their own unappealing rude behaviors ended a lot of platonic relationships. Since I ditched them for being rude, they can cry over their aro crush ditching them even for an unrelated but valid reason. Their alloromantic pain is their business to soothe, not mine, not even ex-mutuals, but their business. Not being mean, it’s just life, sorry you fell for an aro and then you gradually acted rude after my rejection, despite best efforts to maintain the platonic relationship.

Thank goodness none of them ever thought of being a creepy stalker to me, they know better than to risk getting caught and further complicate their issue of not being able to move on from rejection. Not just to me but also for their own good.

[kira-]

no. i’ve definitely had my fair share of “creepy stalkers” though.

On 8/16/2024 at 6:13 PM, SkyTuneRein said:

Afraid? No, not really.

Suspicious? Maybe.

basically this

[Noelle5]

I’m not constantly afraid but I would be afraid and uncomfortable if someone said that they had a crush on me because I don’t want to say no and make them feel bad but I also don’t want to say yes and get myself into a relationship.

[SpinAndSandy]

im a cupio-aegoromantic aegosexual so like. I feel it in theory but when I'm with people it's like. nah I'm good bro I'd rather just be your friend, and kind of get uncomfortable because I don't feel that back and also it's kind of weird for some reason. - Spin 🐈‍⬛ (ze/zey/they/meow)