ImJustChillingHere Posted January 26, 2022 Share Posted January 26, 2022 (edited) What is your ethnicity/culture? Did living in that kind of environment affect the way you view romantic and sexual attraction? Was the narrative of getting married and/or raising a family pushed on you because of this? Edited January 27, 2022 by ImJustChillingHere 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
such Posted January 28, 2022 Share Posted January 28, 2022 My family is Chinese and I wouldn't say that getting married is being pushed on me (yet), more just unspokenly expected? Like I just know that my mum and dad have always expected grandkids and will expect me to get married, they don't even have to say it. It's what every Chinese family does, they raise their kids until those kids have their own kids and I know my parents have this vision of looking after their grandkids one day. Soon all my mum's friends of a similar age will start bragging about their grandchildren and she'll feel left out. I do think my parents are starting to get the vibe though that it might not happen with me or my sister. So far we've been spared from any pressure from them. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Native Manitou Posted August 31, 2022 Share Posted August 31, 2022 I was raised in a Christian household & community. They were not capable of understanding my lack of interest in physical affection, dating & marriage. I was led to believe that there was something wrong with me. Around the age of 15 I was learning about Native American culture & that my ancestors were accepting of Sexual, Gender & Romantic Minorites (SGRM) as two spirit people. That helped me to make peace with my nature. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm_leopardcat Posted September 23, 2022 Share Posted September 23, 2022 Pakistani! Live somewhere in the Middle East though, usually. Not right now, though, for studies. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Collie Posted September 25, 2022 Share Posted September 25, 2022 US, grew up in a religious, fundamentalist home. Was never pushed to be married really, but y'know. Everyone expects it and they tend to assume if you're not interested in the opposite sex you must be gay. (Which I sorta am, but just barely.) My parents actually had some kinda concept of aroace without realizing it though, my mom for instance used to say that "some people just don't have crushes, and that's okay". And my stepdad was like "well the Bible actually encourages singlehood, maybe God doesn't want you to get married". This was before I had learned of aromanticism or asexuality myself. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm_leopardcat Posted September 25, 2022 Share Posted September 25, 2022 53 minutes ago, Collie said: US, grew up in a religious, fundamentalist home. What do you mean by fundamentalist home? Some people say that Paul from the Bible is asexual. It is interesting how your mother and stepfather had a concept of that nature; I, for one, find it neat. On 9/23/2022 at 6:40 PM, Storm_leopardcat said: Pakistani! Live somewhere in the Middle East though, usually. Not right now, though, for studies. To add onto this, I suppose my parents (especially mom) have an expectation of marriage for they’re children, especially daughters. I’m not saying that most families and parents would take it well if their sons didn’t want marriage. Relatives also expect it as well. And don’t get me started about children. I can only think of one relative I know who never married and never had children. Ah, please do not misunderstand. This pressure about marriage from parents and relatives is not from the religion. It is culture and societal expectations of people, and pressure from others that makes them conform to this and cling to it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gray Warlock Posted September 25, 2022 Share Posted September 25, 2022 White male working class Midwestern GenXer. Through my mid 20s everyone was trying to fix me up with somebody. Or gave unsolicited dating advice. My mom even got scared about me not being romantically active and, not shitting you about this, thought I was going to be a mass shooter. 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm_leopardcat Posted September 25, 2022 Share Posted September 25, 2022 18 minutes ago, The Gray Warlock said: White male working class Midwestern GenXer. Through my mid 20s everyone was trying to fix me up with somebody. Or gave unsolicited dating advice. My mom even got scared about me not being romantically active and, not shitting you about this, thought I was going to be a mass shooter. Yikes, that is unfortunate to hear. Is it any better now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm_leopardcat Posted September 25, 2022 Share Posted September 25, 2022 To be honest, there are upsides to belonging to the culture and country that I belong to, as well as the religion. People don’t expect you to be in a relationship, or have a boyfriend/girlfriend. They don’t ask if you’re dating. It doesn’t raise any eyebrows because you aren’t supposed to be in a relationship or dating anyone. So there’s no pressure. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gray Warlock Posted September 26, 2022 Share Posted September 26, 2022 (edited) 9 hours ago, Storm_leopardcat said: Yikes, that is unfortunate to hear. Is it any better now? Yeah. My mom accepts who I am. To be fair, she's always had anxiety issues. And everyone else is too focused on their own life to care much about what I'm doing with mine. Edited September 26, 2022 by The Gray Warlock 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storm_leopardcat Posted September 26, 2022 Share Posted September 26, 2022 31 minutes ago, The Gray Warlock said: Yeah. My mom accepts who I am. To be fair, she's always had anxiety issues. And everyone else is too focused on their own life to care much about what I'm doing with mine. Well, that’s good to hear! :D I’m glad your mom has accepted you, and you have this forum and the rest of the community too, for support! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gray Warlock Posted September 26, 2022 Share Posted September 26, 2022 6 minutes ago, Storm_leopardcat said: Well, that’s good to hear! :D I’m glad your mom has accepted you, and you have this forum and the rest of the community too, for support! I appreciate that. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkyTuneRein Posted February 12, 2023 Share Posted February 12, 2023 (edited) I'm very much an Americanized Americanised Brit, with significant Scottish and Irish ancestry. Many people would probably describe me as "Bohemian" or a "weeaboo" however. As a millennial here, we're often expected to less conventionally social. I am apparently such because I'm introverted and relatively asocial, yet I don't like socialising over the phone. Online dating isn't my thing, and anything like speed-dating even less. Only the younger generations are likely to give me less gripe about my lack of love life, but so far I've been pretty lucky when it comes to romantic harassment and pressures. I'm fortunate to be in country which is less concerned about unmarried and sexless relationships, than many others. Britain is multi-religious, Christian dominant, but also a pretty safe harbour for agnostics and atheists. It still has unbalanced or unfair laws and benefits though, which favour married couples over everyone else. Tl;dr - I'm multi-cultural. Edited February 12, 2023 by SkyTuneRein 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiger_hoods12 Posted October 16 Share Posted October 16 I’m part Haitian. My mom’s side of the family comes from Haiti. Honestly, I, personally, have never had to deal with pressure to have get married. Well, for me, it’s more of a general expected thing that at some point this will happen to me. Overall, my mother’s culture never really influenced how I viewed romance or sexual attraction. My whole family never tended to push those things on me. Their culture was mostly expressed through the Creole language and the Haitian food that my grandma would cook when she’d visit. I’m not sure if this is a Haitian thing to say, but my mom’s side just wanted me to marry a rich man. lol 😂 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ekaterina Posted October 16 Share Posted October 16 I am Russian, Orthodox Christian. My cultural background and religion has always been a safe haven for me against the toxic amatonormativity of the modern Western world. The people who tried to pressure me into romance and such were my teenage school peers (who couldn't care less of traditional culture and preferred to look "modern" and "cool" as they imagined it) and the Western-influenced popular culture. My parents are probably aromantic themselves even through they don't use the term, or at least demiromantic, and are basically weirded out by the modern society's obsession with romance. They find my approach completely normal. At least three people in our extended family I have known were happy single women (I am saying "were" because one of them is already dead now). In Orthodox Christianity in general, single life and married life are considered equally good, because everyone has their own way of serving the good. And the Orthodox idea of love in marriage is moderately sceptical to attributes of traditional romance and puts more emphasis on the caring, supporting and accepting, and on familial love. The best description I've ever heard I once found in some contemporary popular religious book, is that romance/passion may be a rocket that launches the satellite into space and falls apart, while the main thing, the satellite is the harmony in the marriage that isn't dependent on romance anymore. I agree that while some people do need romance at a certain stage and it may be beneficial for them, thinking that romance and love are the same thing can actually be dangerous for healthy committed relationships. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zozz Posted Thursday at 07:20 PM Share Posted Thursday at 07:20 PM On 8/31/2022 at 3:37 PM, Alaska Native Manitou said: Sexual, Gender & Romantic Minorites (SGRM) yo, i find that MOGAII (minority orientations, gender, and intersex identities) to be a good alternative to the LGBTQ+ acronym :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zozz Posted Thursday at 08:37 PM Share Posted Thursday at 08:37 PM im lebanese. my family, mostly from my mom, has expectations of me getting married. to her, im a lesbian (did not come out as arospec yet), but she's in denial about that and the fact that im trans and would talk about me getting older and having a husband and kids and being a wife or whatever. i dont really see religion tying into this, thankfully (religion is making her say being trans is evil, and id rather not have her say stuff like that about my OTHER identities) however, i dont feel pressured to do anything. sure, the expectations are annoying as fuck but im not gonna go through with it because i know what i want and ill live the way that is true to who i am Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alto Posted Thursday at 10:13 PM Share Posted Thursday at 10:13 PM I was pretty much raised white bread, with little/no exposure to the Hispanic wing of my family. I was raised in the Unitarian Universalist church, which is very sex positive. They have introduced asexuality into their OWL curriculum in recent years, which makes me happy. They have also introduced the SAM model. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zozz Posted Friday at 01:21 AM Share Posted Friday at 01:21 AM 3 hours ago, alto said: I was pretty much raised white bread, with little/no exposure to the Hispanic wing of my family. I was raised in the Unitarian Universalist church, which is very sex positive. They have introduced asexuality into their OWL curriculum in recent years, which makes me happy. They have also introduced the SAM model. oo,I know about the UUc! i looked into it and they seem awesome, but i cant join a congregation because my parents are christians and wont let me have religious freedom lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alto Posted Friday at 02:52 AM Share Posted Friday at 02:52 AM 1 hour ago, Zozz said: oo,I know about the UUc! i looked into it and they seem awesome, but i cant join a congregation because my parents are christians and wont let me have religious freedom lol Oh dang! I think legally you can convert to another religion at 16, are you 16 yet? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zozz Posted Friday at 12:53 PM Share Posted Friday at 12:53 PM 10 hours ago, alto said: Oh dang! I think legally you can convert to another religion at 16, are you 16 yet? i am. but my parents still wont let me lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alto Posted Friday at 10:54 PM Share Posted Friday at 10:54 PM damn! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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