Needlemouse

Someone please rescue me.

Gender: It all started when I was scrolling through the internet, since we were all quarantined, and I was bored. I had found something that basically said Marco Diaz was transgender. I wondered what transgender was since I never heard of it before. And when I found out, I believed it couldn't be me. That night, I was questioning, but denied the right to, since I believed I was cis. But before I continue, when I hit puberty it was a disaster. I had been unprepared. And I practically had a tantrum when I had to go bra shopping. I wanted my flat chest back. Anyways, the next day (or two) I started questioning, not trying to even avoid it. I wanted to be a boy. At this time, I told my ex-best friend that I was questioning. She told me I'm gonna use they/them pronouns since your Non-binary. I told her I wanted to be a boy. And she told me to go for it, so I went with it. And then I heard of genderfluid, and so that was me for a bit. And I started a cycle of doubting, then questioning, then getting upset because of the doubting and questioning, then finding a label that "fit." I went through several labels, and pronouns, and names. (Now, I know, I could go unlabeled and shouldn't have stressed over this). There were periods where I identified as xenogenders. Then at one point, my gender seemed to flip flop between agender and male. And then it seemed as if I identified just as male, I would get sick of it, and not want to be a boy anymore, and when I identify as just not having a gender I get sick of that and want a gender. And then, I felt that I was not a boy or a girl, masculine, feminine, or neutral. In other words maverique/aporagender. And we all know that I eventually started using binary nouns and pronouns on myself. And recently had a moment where I identified as a boy. Dysphoria: My first time with actual dysphoria was at the gynecologist (wasn't my appointment, was with family), and I was sitting in the waiting room, and such, and I felt like I didn't belong there, and became disgusted with my body, and wanted out of there. From there I grew to understand that I have dysphoria with my chest, and my body mostly in general. There are some feminine characteristics (small ones) that I don't really mind too much. And Anne Frank's diary made my dysphoria act up, and so did a book about male puberty, since I wanted to understand that. Big mistake. There were several other ways I could've handled this, but I stressed out over something I didn't have to stress over. I could be genderfaun/gendermars, but I really don't feel attracted to that label, nor many other labels if I'm being honest. So I'm going to probably go unlabeled, or just identify as genderqueer/nonbinary. That's my journey from 2020 to the present.

And hoped on his motorcycle

Bed. The Cat

"Idk what a pin wheel is but yay!"

No, I wouldn't react like that if a friend told me. I would accept that friend. I'd still love them, as a friend. I don't know why I feel this way, when it comes to me.. I just do. :(

Welcome! It's nice to meet you! I'm Moon, and my pronouns are any that are not She/her. I'm on the aro-spec too. :) Have fun!

This may help: https://allaboutarden.wordpress.com/what-is-age-dreaming/

My thoughts on this are: "This is embarrassing." "I'm ashamed of this." "I'm weird/strange." "I'm not valid." "I hate this so much." "I hate how this doesn't even feel like a choice." "I want to change coping mechanisms." "I'm going to fix this, fix myself." "Then I'm not going to trigger it or whatever." "I should be able to just deal with this without a coping mechanism." "This doesn't even make me feel better." "I'm just childish. I've always been childish." "I'm ashamed of being childish." "I'm *age redacted*, I shouldn't be doing childish things, or any of this." "I don't deserve validation." "I don't deserve this." "I shouldn't want/need any of these childish things." "Weirdo." "I want the mature thoughts to stop, and this obviously isn't going to help me feel better and forget them. How could that get rid of those thoughts and make me feel better? I'm a baby, like, 100% of the time anyways, so hah! As if this is a coping mechanism for me." And other such mean thoughts. And it's making me want to cry. And I know, I need to go to therapy. I'm looking at an agedre tumblr thing, and even validating things, don't make me feel any better, or make the thoughts go away. I hate how I want things meant for little kids, and how I adore little kid things, and act like a child, blah blah blah. It's just plain embarrassing.

So, many times I've tried age regressing. Most times it was unsuccessful. I've done as much as I could. I've watched kids shows, cuddled with stuffed animals, colored, and a few other things, and not much has resulted. I felt like a kid a few times, though not often. I was close to slipping into little space a few times, even though it wasn't often. One time, it wasn't my fault. The teacher was playing a video for very little kids, as a part of our animation class, and I almost slipped into little space, but prevented it. That time scared me a lot. Another time was when (in the same class) we had to color a picture, I almost slipped into little space. Another times I was thinking of the song "Hot dog" from Mickey Mouse clubhouse, and almost slipped. And one other time, I simply had a tantrum, and either almost slipped or I did slip, but I don't remember. I don't age regress in situations where I need to. Like if I'm having an anxiety attack, or just anxious, or having a depressive episode, or having a flashback/remembering a traumatic experience. And yet... nothing. I just unfortunately, and unhappily suffer through those tough times. And I know I need to do it. I really do. but it seems to fail me. As embarrassed as I am to admit this, I do find myself wanting a pacifier, and sippy cups, and a whole bunch of younger kids stuff. :hides face: And I know I can talk like a kid too. Anyone can. So I have wondered if I'm an age dreamer. Most times, when I want that stuff, and talk like a little child, and try to slip, I still find myself thinking like an adult/someone my age. I've cried because I can't seem to do it. I've cried because it feels like I have no coping mechanism, and I really do want one. What's wrong with me? Why can't I seem to do it, even in situations where it's likely to happen? Is there something wrong with me? Do I even have a coping mechanism?

But I do.

Disorder and confusion everywhere /lyr

This doesn't happen everyday, but it happens sometimes, and sometimes when it does, it's random, and I'm not saying this happens all of the time, just sometimes, or in front of people I don't know a lot, but have seen a few times, or complete strangers: I become so anxious of negative judgement from strangers, and even my friends sometimes, and other negative things, and become so terrified to talk to a stranger to the point I either stutter a lot, become so soft spoken the other person can't hear me very well, or I can't talk at all. That's how terrified I get. It's also annoying how frightened/anxious I get because of strangers. How anxious I get because I'm scared of negative judgement and bad things like that. What's wrong with me? Oh, and due to the anxiety, I may not talk (this also happens while texting) Sometimes, though, it's easy to talk to strangers, to say hi, but sometimes I can't do it because it gets so hard.

Yesh. I wanna be the character in my pfp-

Queer romance stuff Cheese filled hot dogs (don't ask lol- :') ) Zodiac stuff Mindlessly scrolling through YouTube Being chaotic with my friends Listening to music, 24/7 Being on my phone for so long at night that I lose all my sleep Family Guy Uquiz Watching videos of AI rewriting stories Watching this one cringe compilation that had a mind brand meme with a bunch of pictures of random senior ladies/grandmas that made me laugh so hard I couldn't breath

The- The page number. It's 69- *Shaketh in fear* Uhmmmmm.. How are you?

Thank you. :)

I'm doing a Uquiz, and thinking of family guy. Also I'm gonna change my account theme, anyone have ideas on that?

I'm going to say the following with confidence: I'm aromantic. I'm really proud to have this done and over with. It was hell.

Hi! Welcome to the forum! I'm Moon. My pronouns are They/them and He/him. I felt similarly before. I'm aro too. But, alas, I am an asexual (sorry if I sound like Shakespeare lol). My favorite colors are blue, green, black, silver/grey, pink, gold, red, orange, and yellow. I love most animals. Oh, mystery is delightful. Have some garlic bread (if you want). Again, welcome!

On A Banana